Entropy - A Gradual Decline into Disorder
Disclaimer – This performance contains content which may be upsetting to viewers. It also contains flashing lights and loud music.
Scene One - Therapist
Therapist’s office. Therapist sits behind a desk centre stage left angled towards the audience. She begins tapping her pen on the desk and asking senseless questions with a lack of enthusiasm and interest in her client. The client (the depressive) is sat centre stage right on a sofa which is also angled towards the audience. She is sat next to her mother who has no interest in either her daughter or the scenario she is in; she is sat on her phone.
Therapist: What brings you here today? Do you laugh at being yourself? Or having fun?
How often are you alone? What do you do? (Repeated)
Gradually the clicking of the pen, the ticking of the clock, the binging of text messages build to a deafening white noise, it then cuts to silence whilst the therapist continues to ask these pointless questions.
Therapist: So, how does this problem make you feel? Do you use drugs, alcohol, sex, money...?
Are you ashamed?
(Repeated)
As the Therapist repeats these questions Everyday by buddy holiday plays. As this plays the rapist creeps up behind the depressive and grabs her, the choreography commences with the therapist and mother oblivious to the actions in front of them, thus symbolising the actions only occurring as a memory for the depressive. Sequence continues, it suddenly stops with the rapist on top of the depressive both are frozen, this is symbolised by having the tape recorder get stuck and stutter (sound effects), the Therapist leans over to unjam it, and the parent gets a pill out of her pocket and downs it. As the recording device is fixed the action sequence commences with the rapist eventually dragging the victim of stage. There is a high pitch sound which jumps in and is deafening lasts for 5 beats and then suddenly stops.
Therapist: That’s all the time we have today. The sessions over. (Said as she lights a cigarette and takes a toke)
Blackout with a screeching sound almost like an edited scream
Scene 2- Self-harm scene
Light comes from in front of the audience lighting Depressive 2 casting a show onto a projection of the Depressive. The Depressive is standing facing away from the audience
with his arms out to the side; red ribbons are hanging from his forearms and a red liquid dripping off his arms onto the floor creating a red puddle. The projection is of the Depressive reciting a monologue.
Depressive: It calms me down. Sometimes just the thought. Running that blade down my skin again and again till I bleed. It doesn't hurt. I'm letting out my frustrations. There’s a difference between being able to choose to be happy, and not having a choice. If I could choose I would, you think I want to live in this hell? I haven’t been through a life changing trauma nor do I think I’m mentally unstable, it’s just not nice being trapped by your mind because you know as soon as you are left alone with it it it it it......
Video recording goes into a stutter and then pauses in a mess of static and flickering of the still image. The depressive slowly turns to face the audience tears in his eyes and blood still dripping from his forearms.
Depressive: I watch the blood come out. Sometimes it takes a minute. I have to see the blood, the cut, the pain on my arm. It releases me. I know what I have done but I don't completely understand why I had to go this far. So many cuts, so much blood. It's always my arm and never my wrist. I'm not trying to kill myself just ease the pain. I don't have the guts to kill myself. At 18 I should be scared of death but the only thing I’m scared of is the knives in the kitchen, because of their light relief, the fear of cheap alcohol so I can throw up my thoughts and sleep easy or the fear of the bleach because I want to clean my mind of the demons inside.
Enter two nurses who start wiping the floor of the blood, wearing completely white.
I wipe up all the blood. It bleeds for a good ten minutes. They start to hurt and I see the cuts themselves. Purple is my favourite colour, I get teased for that, people say its feminine, I say it’s dark. So many people like the colour red, I find it to thick, also it stains skin and band aids. I’m just here staining the carpets with my least favourite colour. I run my fingers over my slashed skin and it feels so strange. It kind of feels like I'm running my fingers over a cluster of mountains. I keep staring at what I have done and running my fingers across my cuts. I just stare for a minute. I start to regret what I’ve done. The frustration is gone; all that's left is regret. I want to stop. I know what I am doing is wrong the same way I know that I will not make myself stop. In the end the biggest question on my mind is what have I done? I want people to know how close I am to not turning up tomorrow. But I can’t bear the burden of them having to worry about me.
Nurses ring out the blood soaked cloths into a bucket. They then start washing their faces with the cloths.
I was backed into a corner. I didn't mean to. I just wanted it to go away even if it was only for a little while. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to handle this? I have enough problems I don't need this too! I wonder how many people would actually care if I were to become a invisible (slowly losing it), the only thing that keeps me alive is my ego, I’m desperate to know what people would think.
Nurses walk towards the audience and then sit in the vomitries and start rocking
Depressive: Pain is temporary, fucking cliché quote. What people forget is that only physical pain is temporary that’s why I do it. I ran out of live skin on my thighs otherwise id do it there. Sideways for relief , lengthways for effect. Sometimes I lick my blood off my skin, the taste is purifying.
Nurses now crawl back on stage and start clawing and Jacks forearms
Depressive: 1, 2, 3, 4 you want to see my favourite knife, its rusty im sorry but the dirt makes it better and harder to break the skin. Let me show you. (Puts a knife to his forearm and pushes) you really have to force it through the skin pushing it harder. Sometimes I don’t break the skin and just drag the rough edge along my skin, sometimes I prefer that the sting is orgasmic.
Nurses exit the stage
Depressive: Drip, drip, drip and then cut some more, drip, drip, drip and cut some more. My hidden fetish
Blackout. Song from Battlefield 1 album, either tracks – 6, 9,14,16,25.
Scene Three - Mirrors
The rapist is drags Depressive 1 back onto the stage and dumps her centre. At this point there are mirrors surrounding her but not obstructing the audiences view. There is white light covering the stage making the stage bright white. She gets up and adjusts herself, as she does she looks in the mirrors around her with a very monotone look with a full lack of emotion in her face, showing emptiness. Slowly the mirrors move back and form a line all slanted towards her, she stands facing the central mirror. A humming from a church enters in slowly. The Depressive takes out a pot of pills and shakes them, there are only a few remaining, she opens the bottle and takes out a few and puts them in her mouth, she struggles to swallow them there is a moment of pain for her and then she swallows and gags.
Pause
Depressive: I can see black mascara tears as they fall onto my breast there are scratches and dried blood purpled bruises decorate my chest
Preacher 1 enters carrying a camera and points it at the Depressive and then preaches the lines
Preacher 1 (Extract from Galantis 5: 19) : The works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, jealousy, rivalries, envy, drunkenness, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.
Preacher 1 starts pulling on the Depressives hair
Depressive: my red lipstick smeared and hair full of knots I shove more pills in my mouth chasing it with three more shots
he was too strong and heavy I couldn't get him off top
Preacher 2 enters carrying the underwear of the Depressive
Preacher 2 (Extract from Samuel 13:12) : She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing. As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the
(long pause) (mind slowly looses mind)
(pulls knife out of pocket)
outrageous fools in Israel.” But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.
Preacher 2 covers the Depressives mouth.
Depressive: with his hand over my mouth I kept screaming stop his cold eyes just watched me as I fought hard and cried
he crushed my soul over and over as he thrusted deeper inside
Third Preacher enters and starts touching Depressive inappropriately with no reaction from her.
Preacher 3 (Extract from Deuteronomy 22:24) : If a man happens to meet a virgin and he sleeps with her, you shall take both of them to the gate of that town and stone them to death—the young woman because she was in a town and did not scream for help, and the man because he violated another man’s wife. You must purge the evil from among you.
Depressive collapses and the Preachers disappear Behind the mirrors. Once hidden there is a fit of epileptic white lights which fade into a blue still light focused on the Depressive on the floor.
Depressive: the world slowly went dark from the fighting and pain I woke up bloody and dirty from the sound of the rain
Depressive slowly lies down and the lights dim to black. Rain sound effect plays. Sudden Bright white light fills the stage and all the mirrors are lit, thus filling the stage with light. At the same time Catherine sits up screaming...
Depressive: I cant, I cant! the ground) you don’t understand, you never will. I wish you could, I wish you'd try to, I wish you cared enough to listen to me. I would talk to you, I’d actually have someone who cares, but I know you care so little for me that that can’t ever happen.
There is a pause and then music starts to play (something atmospheric (female vocals from halo soundtrack?))
Depressive: (rocking back and forth while covering ears) STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP!! (stops rocking, looks into one of the mirrors) You can’t let him do this, don't let him touch you. Don’t let him fucking touch you. Beg. That's all you need to do. You need to beg. Please, just listen to me. He isn’t listening. Keep begging. He’s not listening, he wouldn’t listen. Will anybody listen? Can anybody listen? I’m alone. I. Am. Alone.
Music amplifies and then starts screeching then stops
Depressive: (She has started to lean against one of the mirrors now, and is calmer) I’m weak, I’m stupid, I’m alone, I’m afraid. I could've stopped him. I have never felt so ashamed of myself, this contaminated body in which my mind is trapped in, I gag for the escape, yet I just make things worse (looking at the pot of pills). There is never any escape, I tried to scratch out what he had done, cut it from my skin, his body will always stay pressed against mine, his fingers still deep inside just before taking it out and.... (unable to finish the sentence, we know what she means, she takes either pills of booze) (To make the audience feel uncomfortable you could be touching yourself as you say this)
(long pause) (Start Crying) (You are clawing at your hair and
(Pause)
(You suddenly stop because you are ashamed yet there is an unpleasant sexual tension in
the air)(you turn to the mirror and start drawing on it with red lipstick)
Music begins again
Depressive: You let your body freeze. Why didn’t you stop him? MOVE! God Damnit just move. Please, not my pants. Don’t take them off. Kick him! Move! Get him to stop! Fight! Fuck him fuck him FUCK YOU! Get him off you! Kick him, bite him, scratch him, I don't fucking care just get him off. Fuck you, you fucking asshole. No no stop please ouch ok ok stop ouch I won’t move please stop. Don’t move, don’t scream. Hurting him will only hurt you. Take what he gives you, it’ll be over soon. Just close your eyes, it’ll be over soon.
Music again goes into a screech and then into silence
Depressive: These pill’s don't effect me anymore (throws empty pot across the floor) I’ll drink, and drink until my head lay flat to the ground and my body finally feels numb. (She is now on her feet Catherine you can do what you feel is natural here)
Music begins again
Depressive: The police are here, thank god. You can calm down now. Breathe. Breathe. Tell them the truth don’t lie it’s ok it’s not your fault. Yes, god, I shouldn’t have had that seventh or eighth drink. Yes, I knew him but I guess I didn’t know him. I know I had a lot to drink, I know that leaves me vulnerable, I know its my fault. I know officer. Yes, I would say I was drunk. I know. I’m sorry.
Music fades out into a screech again
Depressive: All I perceive is lies, all I can taste is dry emptiness, all I can see is the blur of 1’s and 0’s my entire ideology of life consists of persuading myself not to fucking kill myself. You lie to me when you say you care and you pretend you care. You just fucking act like you don’t give a shit. Just pretend to fucking care, please. Be there for me because I need someone here with me.
Music plays again but builds slowly in volume
Depressive: I can’t tell the truth of what happened that day because every time I close my eyes I see him. I wake up every night screaming from nightmares, I haven’t slept in weeks. I can see him right in front of me. I can see everything. the way he talks, his facial expressions. everything even his curly hair. but if I say what I need to say out loud I won’t see him blocking me..... I was raped. People say it’s my fault because I let him... it is my fault. I have no one, I don’t want to do this all by myself. He took so much from me. I tried to tell him to stop but he didn’t listen. WHY DIDNT HE LISTEN?!?! why did he think that what he did to me was ok? IT WASNT OK.
Immediate blackout for 30 seconds and then a purple light comes on warming the stage
Scene Four – Electrotherapy scene
There is a fried sound with snaps and cracks of electricity sound snapping randomly throughout the sound. Slowly the purple colour dims and then a dim yellow light lights the stage and a central glowing orange light highlights depressive 2 who is sat tied down in the centre of the stage. He is flowing in and out of conscious. He is drippling and has wet himself, there is a pool of urine below his chair. He has a metal headband on. Suddenly a strobe light comes on and a screeching manic sound plays. The patient thrashes about and all the audience sees are certain positions due to the strobe light. It suddenly stops and onstage is two doctors both in white lab coats and hair tied up in cute buns. One is wearing a Disney shirt and one is wearing a harry potter shirt. One is carrying a clipboard and making notes whilst happily humming to herself, she has a smile on her face. One has a button in her hand and is standing next to the other doctor and is looking at the notes (Could be sipping a cup of tea)
Doctor 1: You coming to yoga tonight with the girls? We may go for drinks after Doctor 2: Ofcourse however wont be able to drink much am on my period. And don’t want to feel really rough tonight
Doctor 1: Ahh babe hope you feel okay, are you sure you can make yoga if you’re feeling like that
Doctor 2: I should be okay, ill risk the possibility of an accident. Okay upping the voltage Fire when ready *giggles*
Doctor 1: Fire when ready!
Strobe lights begin again and the thrashing sequence is repeated. Once stopped there is a
groan from the Depressive as he roles his head from one side to another. He then shouts
Depressive: FUCK
Doctors enter close to him look and leave. The Strobes then continue and dim to a black
Scene Five – Ending
There are two lights on the stage lighting the two depressives, it’s a dim old white light. The two Depressives stand facing out ward toward the vomitories looking dead and pale. They move there heads a little yet are in a static position. They start coughing and then stop. Amy and Adie enter carrying bats and start walking around smashing beautiful objects
Person1: Humans are like glass, we break and don’t get fixed.
Person 2: They tried to be happy. Time and time again they would force a smile, and try
and make the most out of their shit situation.
Person 1: But there comes a time in your life where all this effort drains you - you can’t be happy anymore; you can’t even try to be - and so, you shut yourself away.
Person 2: You became isolated. You don’t speak, unless spoken to. You don’t fake a smile anymore - even that becomes too much effort.
Person 1: You aren’t herself, yet nobody noticed. Nobody notices anything. Person 2: And that’s why, it’s easy for you to slip away - and before long, you lose
yourself.
Person 1: When you sit there, and make fun, laughing at them you’re pushing them further and further into a hole and eventually that hole will be their grave.
All on stage: You see, the human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
Person 2: But what if you cant laugh
Person 1: You are your own deadly weapon aren’t you?
Person 2: We all conduct ourselves in a way that leads to two eventual emotions
Person 1: Happiness or Saddness. Its ironic because we be so naive that we take exterior emotions to be the ones that are true.
Person 2: Its shameful.
Person 1: So shameful
Person 2: But how is a happy person meant to help and relate to someone who isn’t. The emotions are so different that if you say you can relate to them then you are lying
Person 1: Its an endless cycle of unknowing.
Person 2: Laughter, such a constructive weapon
Both Person’s begin laughing hysterically. Lights begin to fade around the two depressives leaving them in a spotlight each. A gunshot goes (Causing a scare). Blackout.
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